Into Space

My mind is in a whirl. There are so many things I would want to do right now. There are so much that I feel like I'm missing out. Singapore sucks, it's so small. Enjoying nothing in this place. There's nothing to explore here. Why is it that a backyard doesn't lead to a forest. Why why why why whyyyy.

I want to see the clouds not from below, but from above.

I want to ride a white pony in clear waters.

I want to breathe in cool autumn air.

I want to see the northern lights.

I want to get on a plane and get away from everything.

Everything is starting to overwhelm me all over again. It's already November and only the beginning of my second semester. I already see this entire mountainload of things to complete. What if this never stops. The same old cycle of weariness never ends. Always feeling like I'm going no where with all that's happening. I just wish I could drop all these expectations of people. Always the same old cycle of having to live up to expectations, getting disappointed with people who never stick to their words. It gets tiring.

I miss being in kuo chuan all of a sudden. I enjoyed every single thing I was doing there.

My friends, my studies, my CCA. I miss doing geog, was always fascinated by how things were formed. The beauty of the coasts. I miss history, I miss discovering how cruel history was yet how beautiful it is. I miss humanities, I miss humanities so so so much.

I miss my bestfriend so much, I miss my girls so much, I miss the fatass kids so much, I miss GB so much, I miss 4truth. I miss being sec4. I miss being clueless and having no direction for my future.

My mum just came in to tell me. My distant cousin, who is the same age as me, at 17. Has written her own book, and is now travelling the world to promote it. Oh goodness. She's going to new york uni next year. She's based in beijing so yeah I don't see her often.

But still, ha. Already feeling like a under-achieved failure in life.