Flashback

Was looking through my tumblr posts, and found this

2011- Stay Strong

2011 is finally ending. This year has been one eventful year where I discovered so much about myself.

So many things that I would like to say that happened in 2011. I have felt tired and sick of everything I was in. There were nights that I would just cry and hate my responsibilities. Times when I felt like giving up, and that living up to expectations was the most tiring shit on the planet. Even having to live up to my own expectations was draining me. Times when people don’t recognise the effort, and I can’t do nuts about it but to only suck it up. The cycle of being tired became a routine to me. But yet I found comfort in overcoming that tiredness. I found comfort in being a fighter. Because as much as I felt tired, I deeply hated that feeling. I didn’t want to get pulled down by the commitments. I wanted to prove everyone otherwise. 

This year, I learnt to stop relying on people. Because this world is cold, and picking myself up was the thing I was doing most of the time. Friends can never be there for you all the time. Because we’re all caught up with our own selfish thoughts that we can’t be bothered for others. I learnt that the only one that gets you out of the shit hole is yourself. Self pity is the most useless thing, ever. And feeling sorry for yourself is the most weakest thing I’ve seen. I really hated feeling weak and helpless, so yeah, I guess 2011 really made me stronger more than before. 

I also stopped believing in love at our age. As I saw more people get together, and couples break up around me. I can’t help but to think. Will it even last? What for get into such things when the ending of a couple is either a break up or marriage. After all, we’re only 17. It’s not like it will last till marriage. So what for go through all the emotional and physical pain. We don’t need to rely on love to even breathe. So save the energy and time for your future husband, than someone who might eventually leave. I just felt that at our age, placing your entire future and hopes on somebody else, was just too risky. 

I don’t regret being in everything I got myself into. Because I guess that’s how I wanted to live 2011. Living it to the fullest. I met many people, but I am glad that I got close to a few. I’m thankful for those that stayed, because I was growing used to the fact that people always come and go. I know 2012 will never be the same. But I’m ready to take on a whole new level of things, because I am waiting to discover more about myself. 

Till the, let 2012 be a new beginning :)

I sometimes forget how is it like to feel the drain and tiredness from Year 1. I definitely do not miss it. But I guess it made me learn much more in the process. I remember going back home after school with a heavy heart because the endless things I have to do and worry about. But this year has definitely been different otherwise. I've opened my eyes to so many things that were once my blindspots in life. It's November, and it's going to be Christmas soon. Another year is coming to an end. Have you accomplished your resolution planned for 2012? I am glad to say that I am close to accomplishing what I hoped to achieve for the year.

Cheers to November~